When I tell people I dealt with this cankerous thing called low self-esteem (for the sake of this post, I’ll call it LSE), they don’t always believe me. Even my close friends didn’t know what I was dealing with ’cause I’m a pro at concealing my feelings and emotions.
wp-1466358513233.jpgLet’s take a trip down memory lane to how I started my LSE journey. I was a smart and brilliant kid while growing up, an avid reader and a super introvert. I always had good grades (except in JSS2 tho) and I had loads of love from friends and family. Things were going on well till I got to senior secondary school and due to family issues, I wasn’t getting the love and attention I was used to and my grades started dropping (well, they never did get to rise again), I still read, I read everything but my books, I lost interest in things I used to love. I didn’t have close friends anymore and I didn’t know how to relate with people, and that was when I got the tag “annoying” (I really hate when people tell me I’m annoying now yh). Seeing as my self-esteem had come from my good grades, it dropped along with my grades, I lost a sense of who I was, I lost confidence in relating with people and in asking questions. I just embraced the “bad grade mimmsss” and remained at the bottom of the class.
Also, I was a late bloomer, no boobs, no butt, no hips and above all no menses (this didn’t come until I was in SS2, I was 14 then) and I had absolutely no one to reassure me that I was normal lol. So I was always feeling odd amongst my friends. I felt incomplete like God had forgotten about me.
And when I started blooming, it was already too late cause the LSE had bloomed already. I became really saucy and always looked for ways to bring people down to hide my insecurities and conceal my deep emotional issues.
It became worse when I got to uni. I never really had enough back then and I always had to manage. I would look at others and compare myself to them forgetting that God made me special and unique (oh God I’m so sorry), I always looked down on myself, I felt I wasn’t pretty and I always felt like a failure. At this point, I began to get my self-esteem from being bad, so I ventured into senseless things until I met Jesus during Foursquare’s teenager’s camp in 2012. Did I change completely and gain a healthy self-esteem miraculously? No. I’d write about that journey in my next blog post.

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Comments

  1. I’m interested in this.
    In our few days in Minna, I had a hard time understanding you.
    I think this piece is helping me with insight into you.

    And yes, I knew that inside you was a love being, only that when “that thing” chop for your head, you fit just dey annoying… lol.

    Rooting for you mima!!!

  2. Oluseye Ogunkoya Reply

    Jemima, I can’t believe you went through all these when I knew you in mayflower but to your utmost surprise, I admired you then. You were beautiful to my own eyes and more outspoken than I was then. I also had a low self esteem till my UNI days but I have learnt that when you think only good about people, happy for the good things they have or do, you won’t feel left out and you can always ask your Heavenly Father for that same thing (not to fulfill your lustful desires) and it will granted. I appreciate you and your post. Keep going forward girl!!! ?

  3. Really?…I saw u as d coolest person in d world…sad we kinda drew apart…bt uve always been in my heart…Thank God he brought u out of LSE

  4. Somehow I understand every bit of this post. I knew there was something not right with you in sec school but couldn’t trace it down to LSE not until we started hanging out after we graduated. I noticed it slightly but disregarded it.
    Anyway I’m glad you don’t have to deal with it anymore. I think you’re a really sweet person. Sorry for ever using the word ‘annoying’ on you. And hey, how could you have thought you weren’t pretty? I envied you at some point, fine tall, sexy, light skinned girl. But hey we are all unique with our differences.

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