I woke up this morning reminiscing about my last relationship. I’m sure my friends don’t want to hear because they’re tired but I want to share. Ignore if it’s too much talk lol.
I started talking to T about 2/3 days after I “ended” one of my longest “relationships.” Grace actually created a group chat, added the both of us and left (this was because we were exchanging messages through her lol). We got along instantly and would talk and chat for hours. I knew I wanted to have sex with him from the first week not sure why 🤷🏿♀️
We didn’t get to see for the first 3 months because he lived in Ibadan and I was still living with my dad. I had seen him before in school but I didn’t pay attention to him lol. I remember the first day I consciously saw T. I remember what he was wearing and how I felt. He had a wine cap on and I had an intense feeling of affection towards him. Intense.
I was so shy lol. I went to the toilet as soon as I entered the eatery. Grace was wondering what was wrong with me lol. After I got over the shyness, T and I started talking. He stayed with us in the hotel we got and I was ready to hump, Grace being there or not lol. Grace went to her friend’s place the next day and I had a lovely night.
At this time, we were both jobless. I was looking for HR work and T was trying to get into a multinational and also doing Canada p as his Plan B. I got a teaching job and we were still always talking. He was the first person I spoke to in the morning and the last person I spoke to at night.
When I clocked that I was falling in love with him, I started putting up boundaries and I told him. Long story short, we started dating on the 22nd of October 2016. It was a beautiful relationship. We were so in love, and me? I was gone! There was not a single soul that knew me that didn’t know there was a T in my life.
I automatically cut off all the men I had around me. T didn’t need to tell me to, I just did. I remember one friend, M, who used to live close to my church and loved cooking. I would always go to his house every Sunday. M would cook for me and my friend and take care of me. T didn’t like it and me Jemima, I abandoned food, that’s how much I loved T.
There’s a word for our love- intentional. Our love was intentional. We didn’t get to see much, but we made the best of the times we spent together. Of course we would fight, but it was still full of love. On days when we got to spend time together, we would go to our homes and write notes to each other, telling each other how spending time together made us feel. T loved me and he told me and showed me at every opportunity he got.
T wasn’t so expressive at first so, I’d hurt him with my actions and he won’t tell me. That changed over time, and he’d always tell me when I don fok up. I compromised a lot and easily because it didn’t feel like I was giving up anything, it just felt like love and it was.
Our relationship was rather intense and fast-paced.
I had forgotten about Canada and was living in the moment. Then he applied for his visa. He came to my house that day. Like 2 weeks after, we went for his medicals together. My mom was away that weekend so I asked her to drop her key. T and I went all the way to ikorodu even though we had to be at ikoyi early the next morning. The next morning, me, Jemima, woke up and made breakfast for T. That’s how much I loved him.
T got the visa and reality dawned on me. My lover was leaving me. The first person that awakened emotions I never knew existed was leaving me. That’s the only way I saw it. T was leaving me behind. I couldn’t bring myself to share his enthusiasm.
On the day he went to pick up his passport from vfs, he came to my house. I cried and he promised that he was never going to forget me.
On the 19th of January 2017, I told my dad I was going for an interview and went to Ibadan to go see my lover. He was packing. I started crying lmao. E be like nollywood feem. He was just making promises and saying stuff. I remember clearly how our bodies interacted that day and in later months to come, I would use that memory to sustain our relationship.
T left on the 22nd of January, the day our relationship clocked 3 months. Bukola and I went to the airport around 3am to bid him farewell. I used my whole money to go to the airport, he had to tell his mom to give me money to go home lmao. I cried my eyes out on my way back from the airport. My lover had left me. It was a Sunday, I remember going to church and trying to make sense of what I was going to do with my life now that T was gone.
The beginning of the end.
T got to Canada on the 23rd and that’s when I knew I lost him. The airline misplaced his luggage and he told me. We were talking like 2 days later and he said he was unpacking. I was like “ahn ahn how now shebi they misplaced your luggage” he said they brought it to his house. They brought his luggage to his house and he didn’t tell me? I was his lover and his best friend, I didn’t see how he talked to me and didn’t tell me. Looks minute yeah, but it’s the little things that matter.
His program had started on the 5th and he got to Canada on the 23rd, he was far behind and my baby would go to the library for hours. He would go and read and not let me know what’s up and expect me to understand. For Valentine’s Day that year, T got me food. I appreciated it so much because I knew how much of a broke student he was.
The fights became frequent, we would fight over everything, from my endless harem of men to his lack of proper communication over things going on his life.
Because of the time difference, I would stay up late till 3/4am talking to T and still have to be at work by 9am.
By April, I got a job on the island and moved. I was still loyal to T even though my eyes were already opening up to the world of lekki men. Lol. We still had good times. We would talk and gist like we used to, we would write love letters and pour out our feelings. T loved me and I love him.
Seems like a good time to mention that T initially told me he was going to be away for 2 years. Then at the airport he said 3. Then as e land Canada, e dey talk 5. I was ready to wait. That’s how much I loved him.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and our love became sour. We started having more fights. I don’t know if it was the distance, I don’t know if it was just fate but it hurt me a lot. I loved him so much, I couldn’t imagine living a life without my baby. He meant the world to me. Like I said, there was not a single soul that knew me that didn’t know I had a lover named T.
Of all the things he did, accusing me of infidelity was what killed me. I slept in someone’s room in the afternoon and missed T’s call. Na so T talk say I go fok am. How will I do that? Isn’t the person my brother? Isn’t that incest? Lmao. I explained to T, but a switch went off that day and it never came back on. It hurt a lot because I never went near any man while with him. I didn’t even have any nonsense chat because I loved him fiercely and was 100% loyal.
The end itself.
On a Sunday morning, I was trying to get T’s shoe size because I wanted to buy him stuff from ASOS. Na so e enter fight again. T was like the relationship was becoming toxic and we should take a break. I told him that breaks lead to breakups and he said not us. Not us really because what we had was special.
The break was supposed to be for 10 days. I was with my phone all day on the 28th of June 2017, waiting for my baby to text or call me. The day passed and nothing. T where did you go to? Did you die? Why didn’t you text me baby?
On the 1st of July 2017. I had a dream and in the dream, T came to the apartment we shared and was moving his stuff out. I remember clearly that he packed his toothpaste and toothbrush. I woke up and told Felix that T didn’t want to be with me anymore.
It hurt me so much but I knew it. So I composed a breakup message and sent to him. T replied with a breakup message. He said it was hard for him blah blah. I knew it was. I knew he was struggling and our relationship was just something weighing him down. I knew but that knowledge didn’t stop the pain. It felt like my whole world had ended.
I wanted the relationship because I couldn’t imagine living a life without T in it. I had talked about building a career and all of that and I knew I was going to do that and I wanted T to be there. We would talk and he’d tell me how much the end of the relationship hurt him, he would say how much pressure he was no longer feeling and some times, he would cry (he denies this now but men are liars sha).
I cried. Oh, I cried. My sister in-law, my colleagues and my friends were there for me, but it hurt so so much. I would wake up in the middle of the night to cry. I would cry at my desk.
I’d be going to work and pass VFS office and start crying inside danfo. Lmao. I would cry at home because we created memories at every corner of that house. I’d cry when I go to my mom’s place because same thing.
The end of the end.
September 30, 2016 was when I saw T consciously for the first time.
September 30, 2017 was when I went to see that “relationship” that I “ended” lol
1 year. A lot can happen within a year. I didn’t fully get over T till January 2018. I knew I was over him because VFS office stopped making me cry.😂
T and I still talk from time to time. He shares funny stuff with me on IG especially when it’s ikorodu related lol.
I’m grateful to have experienced a love so pure and so intense and while I’m still looking for that kind of love, I can live my life never experiencing it again because I know for the 8 months I was with T, he loved me deeply and intensely and he did without holding back. 💜
This was written on the 2nd of February, 2021. Just thought to share it now because more and more people ask me why I’m single these days. Maybe I’m subconsciously comparing the relationships I try to have these days with my last one. Who knows? Not me.